After years of complacency, I’ve answered the call of the open road.
But no one told me it would be this hard: that surrendering the only home I’ve ever called my own would trigger my deepest insecurities, feel like a psychic and emotional amputation, and leave me inconsolable for days. Or that, despite the realization my passions lie elsewhere, leaving my marketing career and co-workers of nearly a decade would make me feel orphaned. Or, worse yet, that I’d think I made a grave and irrevocable mistake as everyone around me settles into a comfortable, rewarding life of marriage, children and home ownership.
But here I am.
And I feel better than ever.
In fact, today, I’ll be flying across the Atlantic to start an adventure spanning multiple countries, including Turkey, South Africa, Mozambique, Uganda and Rwanda over, I don’t know, maybe two months.
After that, I’ll briefly recharge back in Toronto, then make my way to even more far-reaching corners of the world while continuing to blog and pursue freelance work in travel writing, photography and social media marketing.
I’ll be on a quest for beauty, new cuisines and glorious experiences in the hopes of fulfilling some dreams and inspiring others to do the same.
But, most importantly, it will be about the life lessons. Sure, I’ll be partnering with travel brands and, at times, hosted at swanky hotels, but that won’t dampen my curiosity and desire to learn. I’ll continue to explore all the things that connect us, regardless of skin colour, creed or geography. There’s a comfort in knowing first-hand that a smile in small-town Vietnam is just as radiant as the one my friend graced me with yesterday; that a laugh in a remote village in Peru can be just as jubilant and contagious as the ones I shared with my family last night at the dinner table; that tears of joy and sadness flow from the same visceral place deep within all of us.
Now this is a smile.
But the lessons aren’t just about the human kind. In 2011, an eye-opening safari through Kenya impacted me in profound ways, kindling a new reverence for the world’s wildlife.
One of my new favourite animals.
In my own vast country, a recent trip to Tofino, British Columbia unveiled sweeping natural beauty and a life-giving energy, reaffirming the soul-nourishing power of the earth.
The invigorating, ancient rainforests of British Columbia.
This odyssey will also be about coming face to face with the flaws in my own personality, values and belief system. Everywhere I go, I’m led to re-examine them as I expose myself to new surroundings, people and cultures. I’m nowhere near perfect but, if I let it — and I do — travel ultimately makes me a more tolerant, compassionate person. Such are the blessings that come with the opportunity to see the world beyond my backyard. It is a privilege.
You might say this journey began months ago when I made the radical life changes I described above, but it started long before that. Since as long as I can remember, I’ve felt the seductive pull towards distant places, but it’s a feeling that intensified in the last five years after I was cruelly forced to say sudden, unexpected goodbyes to members of my family.
The tragedy wasn’t only in their deaths — one was especially shocking and nearly broke me beyond repair — but in the risks they took during life. They were all the wrong ones. The more my father struggled with depression, the more he turned to the bottle and his fists to keep my mother and siblings in check (I somehow escaped the physical damage but not the environment of terror). My brother sought comfort and relief from the pain in the most destructive of substances until the hope of recovery seemed farther out of reach than the moon.
Varanasi, India, where I made a candle offering for my brother on the sacred Ganges river.
They both longed for better days without the inner turmoil but, for reasons more complex than I could understand or explain, didn’t live to see them. Perhaps, with the trail of mistakes and wreckage behind them, they didn’t believe they were worthy enough for that freedom. I know the remorse weighed heavily on them both even if it was never expressed.
In the aftermath of the losses, I couldn’t come even remotely close to saying either of them had a life well-lived — and that’s the greatest tragedy of all.
To die is an inevitable reality for all of us, but an existence of unrealized potential, fear of failure and regret is not. The greatest gift I can give myself is the impetus to author my own story, not perpetuate the familial, toxic cycle of addiction and violence every dire statistic tells me I’m damned to repeat. I’m more determined than ever — because of these excruciating experiences — to forge my own path to self-actualization, despite the nagging fears staring at me in the face. The decision to sacrifice my greatest sources of stability and security took years, a giant leap of faith and all the courage I could muster to make. I will make it count. We all wield this power to shape our own narratives.
I’m not the first person to do this, and I certainly won’t be the last. To those who’ve come before me, especially the fearless women on their own solo journeys, I thank you for blazing the trail and illuminating it with your courage to help others like me find it. You inspire me. And to my family and friends who have supported me, even as I was blinded by the thick fog of doubt and when their own life journeys are so different from my own, I couldn’t be more grateful. You’ve been my biggest cheerleaders while respecting that we all have our own callings.
This new route will be filled with both life-changing experiences and obstacles (I don’t think for one second it will be easy), and the unsettling truth is I have no idea what the future holds. Maybe I’ll reject the ups and downs of long-term travel, the absence of roots and all the things I crammed into my 10 x 10 ft. storage unit. Or maybe, despite my efforts, this lifestyle won’t be sustainable because, let’s face it, people do not do this for the money.
But today? I choose the unknown over the familiar. Adventure over stability. Experience over the excessive accumulation of possessions.
It isn’t for everyone… but, right now, it’s for me.
And I’m reminded of these words by Vaclav Havel:
“Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”
Now, I have a plane to catch.
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Fabulous article, your words are invigorating!
I appreciate it, Cacinda, and I hope to cross paths with you again soon!
All the best, Helen! Looking forward to reading and seeing your next adventures!
Thanks, Nick! Keep shooting photos of my city while I’m gone 😉
Rock ‘n’ Roll Helen! Have a wonderful journey!
Thanks for everything, Luc 🙂
Enjoy Africa… Enjoy your Travels. How exciting!
I plan on it! Many thanks for the best wishes.
LOVE this! I shall live vicariously through your blog for now while I work up a fraction of your courage to travel and explore. I can only handle one brave thing at a time, which is finishing my degree. So happy and safe travels and look forward to the pictures and blogs. Cheers 🙂
Ah, well, motherhood requires a whole other set of virtues for which I commend you, and to finish you degree at the same time? Kudos to you, Monique. How you juggle all of it astounds me.
Look forward to hearing about your travels!
Much appreciated, Chuck 🙂
Helen,
I felt like you were writing about my own family (different scenarios, but the same result — a life wasted away).
Reading this brought tears to my eyes… you and I would have much to talk about in person, I think there would be laughter and tears, long talks into the night, until we understood each other completely.
Love and light sister — catch that plane. Live to the fullest. Your time is now. <3
Let’s make an in-person meeting finally happen some time this year so we can share those stories. I remember a chat we had just before I went through the big changes and your words were hopeful. I’ve kept that conversation at the back of my mind since – it’s made me feel less fearful and more confident about my decisions. Thank you for that, Jeannie 🙂
Absolutely. We do need to figure that out. I’ll be in Central America for the most of next year though! Either way, let’s brainstorm. 🙂
Wonderful article Helen. It’s apparent your heart was in it and I admire your honesty about your family, especially the turmoils your brother went through. I know the impact was grueling on you, physically, mentally and emotionally. Out of all those life experiences you have grown strong and brave, brave enough to leave it all behind and embrace this new phase in your life. I admire your strength and sense of adventure. I look forward to reading each and every adventure in your future. Be safe and enjoy every moment!
Your friend and constant follower,
Goretti
Aw, you are too kind, Goretti. Your words mean a lot, so thank you.
Beautiful piece Helen! I am so excited to follow along.
Thanks, sister! Cheers to new beginnings for both of us 🙂
My father was a huge homebody and once, while he was struggling with terminal illness, told me he wished he had spent more time seeing more of the world. Life is short and it’s really easy to get lost in mundane routines. Good for you for recognizing what you want to do in the short time that you have. My friends are settling down and having kids as well, and it can be difficult knowing that I’m living my life differently, but ultimately I have to live for myself. Glad that you’re feeling better than ever. Enjoy the adventures ahead! 🙂
The regret your father felt is unfortunate. While he and you can’t change his past, you’ve turned it into something positive and learned something from it. That, I think, is the best thing you can do for yourself now – and you are. Thank you for sharing your story, Deia, and keep up the good work! You always provide valuable info for travellers like me.
Sorry that I’m just catching up on your adventures. But…wow. Congratulations on taking the leap. Thanks for the inspiration!
No apology necessary, Joe! Thanks so much. It wasn’t easy to lay it bare like that, but it’s fulfilling to know the post inspired you. I hope you have many travels ahead 🙂
What a beautifully-written, inspiring post. I hope you have every success in the future, I’m sure you will.
That means a lot coming from you, Grace, as I have much respect for the work you do. Thank you 🙂
I’m so proud of you! This probably wasn’t an easy post to write nor was your decision at the outset of leaving everything and everyone you had behind. But I can tell already in your adventures that this decision is working out for you and your happiness, even if temporary, is worth it. I’m enjoying following your adventures and really love the quote about hope vs. optimism. It’s true! xo Ntalie
Aw, thanks, Natalie. I deleted and re-inserted the most personal bit about four times. Was I saying too much? Too little? In the end, it was impossible to convey the significance of my choices without it. I look forward to catching up when I return to Toronto 🙂
Heartfelt and deeply moving, Helen. There are parallels between your story an our own, ours involves a daughter who has chosen a self-destructive path. We cannot change much of what happens to us in life, but we do have control over how we react to it. My husband and I chose long term travel 3 1/2 years ago, and it’s proven to be therapeutic and rewarding in ways we never expected. Safe journeys!
I appreciate the kind words, Larissa. I’m also glad the post resonated with you, yet sorry that you relate to its darkest passages. My best wishes to you and your daughter. It seems to me you’ve discovered the importance of self-care, and you found that through travel.
Awesome post! This should be required reading for the friends of people who travel! Explains a great deal of why we do what we do!
Keep up the great work and I’ll follow your trips around the globe.
Many thanks, Jerry. I knew the post would speak to others who choose this unconventional path. You have some great work yourself 🙂
We had an unexpected loss in our family this year—-not someone suffering in a dark place, but very sudden and way too soon. This year I also found myself unexpectedly in a hospital bed for two days, right after I celebrated a milestone birthday (like 10—only times 6). Nothing long term serious, but still there’s nothing like laying in a hospital bed to provide time to think. My takeaway: “Don’t Postpone Joy” needs to be so much more than a bumper sticker. I wish you safe and wonderful travels. (Wonderful—in the “full of wonder” sense of the word).
First of all, Suzanne, I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one (no matter how) is always deeply painful. These life lessons manifest themselves in so many different ways, don’t they? They’re so simple and obvious, yet we find a million ways to ignore them until we get that wake-up call – sometimes the devastating kind. Thank you for the well wishes. I wish you nothing but the same – and more 🙂
What an inspiration Helen. I’m so glad I stumbled upon your website. I really hope you enjoy the ride..!
And I’m so glad you found it! Thank you so much for the kind words, Luke.
Hi Helen
I have no idea who you are but I cried over your post.
My husband and I are constantly looking for new places to visit – with 2 young kids and me still finishing my degree that’s a bit of a rarity. Our list runs long! I hope to share the therapeutic wonders of travelling with my children, introducing them to new cultures and ways of life, to appreciate things we take for granted and most importantly to learn to respect and love nature.
I wish you everything of the best, may you find your peace.
Give us a shout if you’re ever in Mozambique 🙂
Safia, reading your comment made my day and reminds me why I’ve chosen this path at this point in my life. Thank you so much. I think what you want to give your children is one of the greatest gifts they could receive from you, and all those experiences will surely help shape them into intelligent, open-minded and empathetic adults. Best of luck to you and your family. I was just in Mozambique in November! It would have been great to meet you.
I have been a full-time solo female traveler for 2 years now. Keep going – keep adventuring. The open road of the unknown has a way of healing our souls. Your words and experiences are very similar to my own feelings. It is hard for those that haven’t thrown everything away to truly understand that sometimes you have to travel down a path that has yet to be made.
Hi, Kristi. Much respect to you. Whether or not I’ll last two years and want to build some roots again, well, we’ll see. But it sounds like it suits you just fine and you are on your path to self-fulfillment, and that’s what matters most. Thanks for adding your thoughts. Safe and happy travels 🙂
What a great article and written with such honesty. You’re an inspiration to me and I’m sure many others. The photos are also amazing. You really have a great eye.
Dennis, comments like yours remind me why I do what I do. Thank you so much for your encouraging words.
this is an awesome post. I admire you! I will message you directly as I want to hear more about how you made this happen.
Thanks for the kind words, Jodi. Feel free to ask me any questions. 🙂
Happy Travels Helen. Thank you for your lovely and honest story reminding us all to take a leap and follow our bliss before it’s too late and our whole physical lives are behind us leaving us with regrets and what-ifs. Life gives us profound messages sometimes, often in the form of very sad losses and tragedies played out in other’s lives (unfortunately). I recently spent 3 months traveling through Africa too and came back a new person with inner stories I can’t begin to explain… all I know is, I’m so glad to have done it. Now, like you already did, I’d like to sell my things, part from a secure job, rent my house and set off as a long-term solo traveller too. Stories like yours and others inspire me and inspire many others. Keep sharing, keep living your life outside the box and into dreams of your wildest imagination letting your life be a positive example to others… thank you 🙂
Hi Sandy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I love how this site connects me to like-minded wanderlusters like you. Africa does indeed have a way of giving birth to new perspectives that are life-changing, and it sounds to me you experienced that transformation too. I’ll admit that as wild and fantastic this year has been, it’s also been very challenging… but I will write a post on that when the time is right. Having said that, I still encourage everyone to overcome their fears, pursue their dreams and take risks. It’s how we grow and realize our potential. Happy travels to you too, Sandy. Let me know if you have any questions. 🙂
Thanks for your honest and amazing post, Helen! You are a great inspiration and we wish you wonderful travels!
I’m so glad you found inspiration in this post! Thank you, and I hope you have many incredible adventures ahead.
“To die is an inevitable reality for all of us, but an existence of unrealized potential, fear of failure and regret is not. The greatest gift I can give myself is the impetus to author my own story…” Your words really struck a chord within me. Thank you so much for sharing this searingly honest post!
Thanks for reading, Diya. I’m glad the post resonated with you!
Having spent 3hrs or so enjoying reading multiple travel blogs by equally impressive adventurers, reading yours Helen has had the most resonance and impact with me. So beautifully written and portrayed are your reasons for travel, that not to be moved and simultaneously inspired would suit only a psychopath.
I trust and hope that 2years in Helen, you have found and are enjoying your freedom and your soul is soaring above lifes sorrows. Your father and brother would surely be proud.
Hi Andy. I actually don’t consider myself a talented writer but thank you so much for the kind words! This may be a disappointment but, after 1.5 years, I returned home to Toronto, found a place to live, as well as a full-time job… but I’ll never stop travelling! It’s been quite the journey. I do plan on writing a follow-up post to this one when I’m ready. I hope you have many adventures ahead of you. Thanks again!